


From the Beginning

by TwoLittleWishes



Category: The Rook (TV 2019)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2020-10-14 22:15:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20608199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoLittleWishes/pseuds/TwoLittleWishes
Summary: Basically a run at the plot, but Myfanwy come clean to Gestalt almost immediately.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note this is completely unedited for the moment. I'll almost certainly come back to this first chapter again.

“Lead the way” Myf gestured for Robert to go first to hide the fact that the had no idea where her office was.

Instead of an office though, he led her to a covered section of a walkway between two buildings and crowded her against the railing. Myf’s head spun.

Shit, he knew, she was fucked.

But then she looked at his face. Jesus his eyes were blue.

Words were coming out of his mouth. ‘One-time thing’, ‘mistake’, ‘didn’t tell anyone did you?’ what the fuck? She was just starting to get an idea of what he was going on about but he put his hand on hers on the railing.

The feeling was tingly, electric, but more than anything it wasn’t completely unfamiliar. At least it didn’t feel like a strangers hand. It didn’t feel like an enemy or a threat. It felt like a hand that had touched her before. A hand expecting the gesture to be accepted if not enthusiastically received. This was someone she knew! And she knew them well, or at least, they thought she did.

He was gone with Eliza as fast as he’d come and Myf looked over the railing in a daze. She was shocked to see two other blond heads retreating through doors on other levels…

This felt like a pretty big fucking deal for something Robert made such an emphatic nothing about.

*

“Myfanwy!”

Shit. Shit shit shit. Myf made her way over to Alex, there was nothing else she could do but she wasn’t prepared for the shy smile.

“Did you come to see me?” He asked and looked at her through his lashes.

“No,”

“If you did-”

“I didn’t!”

“If you did,” he ran over the top of her, “that’d be alright.” He was right up in her space. Jesus, did Gestalt even understand personal space?

Those baby blue eyes looked right down into her and it didn’t feel foreign. How often had they done this? His eyes dropped to her lips and he let out a long slow, fucking pornographic breath. How could someone breathe hot? Myf’s lungs seemed to feel the need to do it too and her breathing picked up. Great. Now they were standing here in the middle of a crime scene sexy breathing at each other and not saying anything!

“It would?” She managed to ask eventually.

Alex swallowed hard. “Maybe we were too quick to write this off…?”

“We?” Myf raised an eyebrow. Shit, why did she do that?

Alex blushed and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Well, in my defence you ignored me for two days, an’ ‘en had some cock and bull story about-”

“It wasnt’!”

“It was Myf, and you know it. You can’t spin that kinda shit to me, we’ve known each other too long!” He rocked nervously on the balls of his feet. “I thought you were just lookin’ for a way out…”

Myf stared at him and was almost overcome by the urge to reach out and touch his arm. So much so that her hand twitched to do it, but she stopped herself. Alex noticed and glanced around.

“Probably not the place to talk, really.” He looked hopeful again. “Can we get together later?”

He was so hopeful, so hungry, so… everything. In that moment she came to a decision and her face became serious.

“I really do need to talk to you. Can you meet me at my flat.” She asked. “Now.”

Alex’s eyes widened and for a moment she thought he’d throw caution to the wind and kiss her right there in front of everyone. It only lasted a heartbeat though because he was still staring at her face and something he saw made him frown.

“Myf… you O.K?” He put a hand on her elbow and suddenly his whole demeanour was worried rather than horny. “This isn’t about… the other night, is it?”

Myf let out a breath hard and began to tremble.

“It’s not just about the other night.” She confessed and when he squeezed her elbow she swayed towards him. Fuck I want him to hug me, she thought.

“I’m on my way.” He told her gently. “Get home, I’ll be right there, O.K?” He looked into her eyes again, and again she was struck by how not foreign it was, how not threatening. 

She didn’t remember him, not in any sense she could explain, but she knew he wasn’t a stranger, and he wasn’t a danger either.

“You alright to get there on your own?”

She nodded. “Yeah, yeah just… O.K, I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah,” he gave her elbow one last squeeze and reluctantly let her go.

Myf looked back at him many times as she walked away and every single time he was watching her intently. Protectively.

It was broad daylight and she lived insanely close by, but the trip back to her apartment was terrifying. Every face could be an enemy… or worse a friend she didn’t recognise at all. She could walk right into someone who wanted to hurt her, or right past help! It was frustraiting and she didn’t relax even a little until she closed the door to her flat and heard it click shut.

True to his word, Gestalt was only minutes behind her. The buzzer sounded and when she looked at the little screen is was Teddy down in the street. She let him in and immediately began to hyperventilate. Maybe this was a massive mistake? Someone on that wall did this to her and she’d just effectively told half of those faces she needed to talk. Alone. And no one else knew. Shit shit shit.

She must have looked so small and frightened when he opened the door because Teddy immediately shut and locked it, then gripped her upper arms a little on the hard side.

“Are you hurt?” He asked.

Myf’s eyes widened and a kind of hysteria rose up in her until she half laughed half sobbed, unable to answer. Teddy’s response was to wrap his arms around her and hold her against his chest. She fit under his chin comfortably and one of his huge hands rubbed her back.

“Hey, it’s O.K. It’s O.K, I’ve got you.” He said. “Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it. It’s gonna be O.K.”

Myfanwy closed her eyes and tucked her arms in close to her body so Teddy completely surrounded her. He felt as familiar as the others. He felt solid and safe. He felt like armour. She took a deep breath and looked up at him.

Jesus, he was so worried about her. Teddy managed to hold her eyes for a while, at least until they both fell into the porno-breathing trap she’d gotten stuck in with Alex at the bridge. Once that happened his eyes strayed down to her lips. It was the work of magnets because all of a sudden their noses brushed timidly. Myf gasped and ehr eyes dilated. Teddy groaned and kissed her.

Bells. Whistles. Fireworks. The whole nine yards and Myf leaned into that sensation so completely she almost began to pull him towards the bedroom. Only the flat wasn’t familiar. Teddy tought he was kissing someone who lived here, who knew where everything was and remembered if he had a middle name or not. She whimpered and put her hands on his chest.

“Wait,” she gasped, “Wait, I really,” she swallowed hard and squeezed her eyes closed as Teddy rolled his forehead against hers. “I really need to talk to you.”

“You gonna make me let go?” He whispered.

Myf choked out a laugh. “I should. I know I should, but I don’t want to.”

Teddy booped their noses together once and loosened his grip but didn’t let her go. While he looked at her expectantly she struggled with any place to start that wouldn’t be totally mad sounding. Eventually, Teddy pressed his lips together and spoke.

“Would it help you get goin’ if I said I’m pretty sure you were on the bridge last night. An’ that your EVA went absolutely batshit crazy on a bunch of vultures?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as long as I might have liked but I’m trying to get back into the swing.

Myfanwy could only nod helplessly, and Teddy’s expression of concern made her feel warm.

“You sure you’re not hurt?” He pressed.

Myf coughed uncomfortably, but Teddy seemed to take that as a yes. “What happened?” 

“I don’t know. I just, I woke up on the bridge in the rain and it was cold, and there was blood and bodies,”

He squeezed her to bring her back to the present. “Go back further, what do you remember before that?” 

Myf swallowed hard and looked up into his impossibly blue eyes. “I don’t remember anything before that.”

Teddy frowned. “How far back? Did they take you from the party?” He looked angry, “I should have taken you home, I should never have let you go on your own, why didn’t you-“

“Teddy… you don’t understand. I don’t remember anything,” she looked up into his eyes and tried to will him to understand. His expression told her clearly that he wasn’t there yet. “My earliest memory is waking up on the bridge. I don’t have a childhood, no early twenties… no actual memory of an apparently mind-blowing encounter with a long time friend and colleague at a party… it’s all gone!”

Teddy’s arms loosened then dropped from her waist and he tried to take a step back, his face registering a bizarre mix of pain and confusion. Myfanwy snatched for his hand and gripped it tightly in both of hers. They looked comically small. “Please!” She hissed. ”Please don’t pull away! I know, I know I don’t remember but I need your help, please! No one else, nothing else in the whole world feels familiar, just you, just your eyes and your face and the way it feels when you look at me.”

“You don’t remember me… at all.”

Myf sighed. “Not in any way you’d recognise, no, but,” she looked around as though some solution would present itself. “But I know you. I know you! When you cornered me at the office I thought Iwas caught, I thought you must know, but you looked at me and touched my hand and… I wasn’t afraid. And then at the bridge you just… you looked at me and I realised I trusted you a lot more than I trust Linda so-“

“Wait, Linda? Linda knows? How?” 

“She was here this morning, she found me. She said I had to come to work and I had to fake being fine! She said absolutely no one could know, but I don’t know. I don’t know, I just didn’t feel safe with her. I didn’t feel safe with anyone and I haven’t. Do you understand? From my perspective I’ve never felt safe my whole life until you walked in here and put your arms around me and said everything would be OK!”

It was impossible to read teddy’s expression. Maybe before she’d have been able to work out what that blank, cool face meant, but Myf could only look up at him helplessly and wait for him to process this shit show into something he could grip. They stood like that for seconds that felt like hours until he blinked and sucked his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Linda told you not to tell anyone?” He asked carefully.

Myf nodded. “She seemed scared, like something had gone really wrong and…” she bit her lip for a second but then plunged on, in for a penny in for pound, “There’s a safe room, and I left myself stuff. Clues. I knew this was going to happen.”

Teddy cocked his head to the side. “Show me.”

She did. She didn’t even bother to hide the combination. If she’d made a mistake at this point she was as screwed as she could get anyway. She pulled up the explanation video that talked about how someone pictured on the wal did this to her and watched Teddy’s face as he watched it.

“My faces are on the wall.” He said calmly when it was done.

Myf nodded. “I don’t know where she got her information from, but someone she trusted did this to her. Me. Or I thought they did? She thought? Fuck,” She sat heavily in the chair and put her head in her hands. “My head hurts.”

“Why did you tell me, if I’m on your suspect wall?” He asked.

“I told you,” she looked up at him. “No one else is familiar. Nothing else. I don’t know this apartment, I don’t know my office, I don’t recognise my own face… but I feel like I know your eyes.”

“I could be playing you…”

Myf nodded slowly. “You could be.” She conceded and then gave him a weak smile. “I was born yesterday.”

Teddy smiled for her then, something tight and edged in pain but she could see he was digging to find something, anything to cling to in all of this. Anything to convince himself he hadn’t lost her. She flailed out with her hand and grabbed for his. He allowed it, and watched her as she tugged it closer to she could hold it in her lap and lean against his arm. The knock at the door made her flinch.

“It’s just me.” Teddy said, “Alex finished up at the bridge.”

He let her go so she could go and open the door. A brief thought occurred to her, why had Alex knocked? Why didn’t Teddy just go open the door when he knew his other body was there?

Alex’s curls looked dishevelled, like he’d jogged here from the bridge, and he was just slightly out of breath. The moment the door opened he reached out and cupped her face with one hand and stared at her, as though looking at her with a different set of eyes would tell them something new.

“Seriously, are you hurt?” He asked after a moment. “Those guys on the bridge looked like they’d been in a hell of a fight.”

Myf bit her lip and started to unbutton her blouse from the bottom. She carefully peeled the fabric away to show the ugly purple bruises with unhealthy yellowed edges that bloomed on her ribs. Alex hissed and urged her back into the apartment. Teddy appeared behind her with a first aid bag. It must have been hers because he didn’t come in with it, but she let out a short hysterical laugh when she realised she had no idea where she kept it.

Alex frowned a her. 

“I have no idea where you got that.” She jutted her chin at the little blue bag full of bandages and gauze and saline.

“You keep it in the bottom cupboard to the left of the sink.” Teddy told her while Alex raised his hands to her torso.

He moved his fingertips lightly over the bruises and Myf sucked in a sharp breath.

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” Alex asked.

“No,” Myf let the breath out slowly. “It doesn’t hurt so much anymore.”

He coughed and moved his eyes back to her bruises. “I don’t think you broke any ribs, but someone gave you a good going over.” He looked up again from where he was crouched in front of her. “I can bandage them if you want the support? Might be more of a pain than it’s worth though, restrict your movement.”

“I’ve been getting around like this all day so I guess it’s OK. I,” she blushed at her foolishness. “I didn’t even consider I might have broken something. God, that’s really stupid, isn’t it?” 

Alex chuckled. “Not really. You’ve never broken anything before, how would you know what it felt like?” He stopped and looked at her again. “Only you don’t know that either, do you?”

When he stood he was indecently close to her, and her shirt was half unbuttoned, and he’d had his huge calloused fingers delicate as butterflies on her skin just moments ago and breathing was becoming an issue. He looked for all the world like he was going to kiss her, but then he flinched and pulled back.

“Sorry,” he mumbled and his hands went immediately into his pockets, his eyes to the carpet. “That’s not alright. I shouldn’t, you don’t,” he glanced back to her face once, stricken before he looked away again.

“It’s difficult to wrap my head around the idea you don’t know me,” Teddy took over. “You don’t remember the last, fuck, more than ten years.” He sighed. 

“It’s been you an’ me Myf.” Alex said without looking back at her. His eyes were fixed on some little glass birds sitting on her shelf. “Long as I can remember. You an’ me. The only one who wasn’t uncomfortable just cuz I was there. The only one who never flinched when I had all my bodiesin a room. You an’ me…”

Myf bit her bottom lip and shyly took Teddy’s hand. For whatever reason Gestalt seemed to be holding it together better in that body. “From my perspective, it’s pretty much always been you and me, too.” She ducked forward without letting go of Teddy’s hand so that she could tilt her head and look into Alex’s eyes. “Not as long maybe, but… still just you and me. Can you tell me something, something I haven’t been able to figure out all day?”

“Of course,” Teddy said.

She made eye contact with Alex again. “We weren’t together, like, together together, until a couple of days ago, right?”

Alex nodded slowly.

“Why?” She asked. “Was it a work thing, we weren’t supposed to? Is that it?” She blushed but fought to keep eye contact. “I just mean, unless you’ve completely changed in the last couple of days, no offence but it was not a secret how you felt about me and… and I’ve got less than twenty four hours of memory and the ones that are gonna stick all feature your face pretty heavily.”

Alex smiled at her, and just a hint of his cheeky dimpled flashed for a moment before he caught himself and looked away again. Out of the corner of her eye Myf saw Teddy start chewing on his thumbnail. “You knew. At least, I guess you knew.” Alex said, the he shrugged. “Subtlety isn’t one of my talents, not when it comes to you.” He confessed. “But it just never,” he looked stricken again.

“You never showed no interest in me like that.” Teddy finished. “An’ I wasn’ gonna make a big deal out of it.” He shrugged his broad shoulders, which looked even more massive in the smart suit. “Couldn’ risk losing you. Didn’ ever want to see that look on your face.”

“What look?” Myf blurted before she could stop herself.

“The one everyone else has.” Alex hissed.

“Like I’m a freak. Unnatural.” Teddy said it coldly, like he could detach them from the reality of how they were seen. “You were never like that. Not even once,” he managed another of his small Teddy smiles for her then. “You ‘aven’t even been like that today, and you got no memory of me at all.”

“What do we do now?” Myfanwy asked slowly after a long pause. “I don’t know how to do my job, I don’t know anyone at work, I don’t know what happened to me.”

“Linda.” Gestal said together. When Myfanwy frowned Teddy continued, “she knows something. I can’t believe she’d have done this to you on purpose, she’s always had a real soft spot for you, but shit happens and when it hits the fan most people can’t resist the urge to cover their own ass first. We start with Linda.”

“You want to confront her?” Myf asked.

Teddy shook his head. “No, too dangerous. I don’t wanna believe she’s the one who done it, but I can’t rule out that there’s information we don’t have right now that’d make it seem like a reasonable thing for her to do.” He frowned. “We’re going to have to play it out. Make it look like you’re doin’ what she told you, an’ see what she does.”

Myf groaned and let go of his hand so she could collapse onto the couch and fling an arm over her eyes. “I don’t know how many of these overlapping intrigues I can manage, Gestalt!”


	3. Cheeky tart

The next two hours were relatively uncomfortable as Gestalt tried to subtly probe the extent of Myfanwy’s memory loss and succeeded only in very obviously broadcasting how much they wished desperately that she remembered something, anything, about them. The longer it went on the more obscurely guilty Myfanwy felt, and that guilt led to a certain amount of resentment.

“Please just stop.” She begged when she couldn’t take it anymore. “It’s gone. Trust me, no one wishes it wasn’t gone more than me, but there’s nothing there!”

Teddy’s face had been calm the whole time, but at her outburst, his expression closed off completely. Alex looked both guilty and heartbroken. 

“Shit.” Myf sighed. “I’m sorry Gestalt.”

“It’s getting late,” Teddy said carefully. 

It really wasn’t, but Myf appreciated that Gestalt had probably had about as much of this as they could take. “Alright, so what’s the plan for tomorrow?”

Teddy shrugged. “Do what Linda told you. We’ll have to avoid spending too much time together at the office,”

“But I’ll have a body in the security room all day,” Alex said. “I’ll be watching the whole time. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Myf smiled greatfully but then sighed again. “You can keep me physically safe, but you can’t help me avoid blowing up my life. I don’t know anyone, I don’t know what to do!”

“Rely on Ingrid,” Teddy advised. “She’s very good, and you were reasonably close. Not friends exactly,”

“You didn’t really have close friends,” Alex said carefully.

“Except me.” Teddy finished.

“So same old same old, then?” She looked up at Teddy’s face, but it remained reasonably composed and she found that incredibly despressing.

“There is still the question of your safety tonight,” Teddy continued. “I don’t want to leave you here alone for that long.”

“Oh.” Myf hummed noncommittaly. 

“I’ll be in an SUV across the street,” Teddy said. “Your phone has my number on speed dial, number 3. You hear anything, see anything at all, you call.”

“That works out well,” Alex continued, “because Linda just finished telling Robert I should keep an eye on you.” He shook his head. “What the hell is she playing at? She wouldn’t put me on you just for fun, she knows I’d never…” He stopped and coughed uncomfortably.

Alex stood and Teddy stepped back to make room. Without another word, they started moving towards the door, though Alex kept looking back. At the corner of the kitchen, Teddy stopped a pulled a tiny camera, like something from a spy film, from his pocket and stuck it to the wall pointed at the door. “So I can see if anyone comes in.” He said. “But I can’t see… anything else.”

She wanted to ask them not to leave. She wanted to tell them it was stupid for them to sit in an uncomfortable SUV all night. She wanted to beg them to stop being formal and distant and deliberate with her because it felt like the death of a thousand cuts. But she didn’t say any of that. Instead, she followed them to the door and stood there forlorn as Teddy walked through and down the hall without a backward glance. She watched him go for a moment and hoped it wasn’t completely obvious she felt like crying. When she met Alex’s eyes, she thought maybe his expression mirrored hers.

“I mean it, you know?” He said gently. When Myf stared at him in confusion he put his hands in his pockets and looked down at his shoes. “I won’t let anything happen to you.” He looked angry then and scuffed his shoe agains the door jab. “Anything else. Fuck, Myf, you shouldn’t have been on your own. You shouldn’t have felt like you couldn’t tell me…”

“I’m sorry Gestalt, I don’t know why she-“

“No. It’s my fault. I know it is. You said you’d found a psychic and… Linda and Conrad thought it was rubbish, and I didn’t support you like I should have.” His eyes met hers again and he hunched his shoulders. “I’m sorry. I should’a been with you. I should’a been someone you could talk to about all this, and I wasn’t.”

They stood in the doorway in uncomfortable silence for a moment while Myfanwy tried to work out the appropriate response. In the end, she gave up and put her arms around his neck. Alex made a heartbroken sound and his arms crushed her against his body, his face pressed into her neck.

“It’s OK. I’m OK.” She stroked his hair, so much softer than Teddy’s without all the product, and clutched a fistful of the back of his jacket. She looked around for something, anything she could say to break the tension. “You run the ‘tough guy’ body away so we could have a moment?” She asked with forced lightness.

Alex snorted. “Be glad it’s not Robert. All the big feelings are too much for the pretty boy body.”

Myf laughed and looked at his face with genuine affection when he pulled back. “Here I thought this was the pretty boy body?”

“Shut up,” he chuckled and the worst of his little episode seemed to be over. He gazed down at her face, his eyes wandering tenderly from her eyes to her lips and back. His arms were still around her, and though she’d let her hand fall from his hair to his shoulder, the other still gripped the back of his jacket. “I should go.” He didn’t let go, and his breath was doing that thing again.

“You don’t have to,” Myf said before she could chicken out. “I mean, I feel terrible, you sitting out there in an SUV all night, that’s crazy.” She didn’t move either, and her inhale and exhale matched his. Stupid porno breathing.

Alex shook his head slowly. “I’m afraid if I stay, I might do somethin’ stupid.”

“I’m afraid if I let you go, I’m going to get to know what it feels like to wait a decade for you.”

His mouth was harder than she imagined. More demanding than Teddy’s had been earlier, more desperate. She might have kissed him back, or she might have simply relaxed into the experience and let him take whatever reassurance he needed to still the burning inside him, she’d never be sure. All she knew was she clung onto him and revelled in feeling connected, grounded, and normal. The lights in the hallway started to flicker and Alex gasped and pulled back to press his forehead against hers.

“That’s bigger than it used to be,” he gasped.

Myf furrowed her brow in confusion. “Huh?”

He sucked in a big breath and let it out while he trembled against her. “Your EVA. I can feel ya, all over my skin. In my spine. You couldn’t do that before.”

“I didn’t hurt you did I?” She asked in horror, remembering the bodies on the bridge.

Alex chuckled and shook his head, “Not even a little.” He sighed and kissed the tip of her nose. “I really should go.” She opened her mouth to object but he ran over the top of her. “Myfanwy, I think we need to slow this down a bit.” He looked pained as he loosened his grip on her. “You don’t really know me, and there’s a lot goin’ on, and… when I kiss you I lose all bloody focus. I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he pressed a slightly longer kiss to her nose again and then let her go an immediately started backing away up the hall towards the elevators. “You had me for years, Myf, without ever doin’ anythin’ about it. You can last a couple of days.”

“Days?” She asked, her eyebrow raised and one hand gripping the door to keep from going after him. She was not even attempting to hide the fact that that’s what she wanted to do.

Alex chuckled and hit the button for the elevator. “Hey, I’m not a saint.” He leaned against the wall in front of the elevator to look at her. All his cheeky, little-boy naughtiness back in full effect. “Go check yourself in the mirror Myfanwy. If I last three days it’ll be a fucking miracle.”

She blushed and stepped out into the hall with the one hand still tightly gripping the door. “That elevator has two seconds to get here or,”

The elevator door opened and Alex quirked his eyebrows at her. “Oop, that’s lucky.”

“That’s one word for it,” Myf grumbled.

Alex met her eyes as he moved back and held the elevator doors open with one hand. “You know, you didn’t flirt like this before…”

“Was I stupid before?”

“You were sad… maybe a little broken.” He gave her a gentler smile and half stepped out of her sight. “I’d never have wished this on you, Myf, but, jus’ so you know, other than the obvious bullshit of it all, you seem happier to me.”

“I’ll be happy in three days!” She yelled down the hall as he disappeared into the elevator and she heard him chuckle as it closed.

Down in the street, Teddy sat in the black SUV and watched the feed from Myfanwy’s apartment on a tablet that he held cupped in both hands. He hardly breathed at all as Myfanwy pulled Alex into a bear hug, he did gasp and groan when he gave in completely for just a moment and kissed her desperately with Alex’s mouth.

She felt the same, pressed against his body. The same light weight. The same desire. He even imagined the same relieved joy from her as the first tickle of her EVA moved along all four of his spines. 

As Alex rode the elevator down to the ground floor, Myfanwy stepped back into her apartment and closed and locked the door. When she turned around her eyes landed on the tiny camera completely unconcealed on the side of the cupboard. 

Teddy watched her blush. Her expression then rolled through a number of emotions he couldn’t place before landing on something that oscillated dizzyingly between shy and naughty. She rolled her shoulders and let her work jacket fall to the floor.

Teddy stopped breathing again.

Alex balled his hands into fists and resolutely walked out of the building, mumbling to himself about this new turn of events.

Robert stopped even pretending to work and sat staring blankly into the middle distance.

Eliza, who had been in the middle of a conversation with someone whose name she now couldn’t remember, blushed furiously, excused herself, and walked straight to the nearest bathroom to lock herself in.

Myfanwy's naughtiness didn’t extend all the way to a striptease on camera. Alex started walking again after she kicked her shoes off and walked out of the camera’s line of sight. He stopped a few minutes later and started laughing when she threw some clothing back into the small hallway where the camera could see. “Bloody hell, Myf, you cheeky tart.” He chuckled to himself. It was clear as day that the items she threw into the hallway for his benefit were not the ones she’d been wearing.

The other bodies had things to concentrate on, so Eliza, who was still hiding in the bathroom, pulled out her phone and sent a text.

Eliza: _ Your first joke ever, so far as you know, and that’s the gag you go with? _

Myfanwy: _ Chickened out. Then panicked. From what I gather though, that’s not out of character, right? _

Eliza: _ In a general way, but you’ve never been this cheeky. _

Eliza: _ I like it _

Alex: _ I like it _

Robert: _ I like it _


	4. Chapter 4

All night Myf toyed with the idea of going down to the black SUV she could see in the street if she pressed her face against her window. She couldn’t see inside, but Gestalt was down there, though whether Teddy stayed all night or traded out at some point she couldn’t guess. Whatever the case, Gestalt sat, alone, in an uncomfortable car and stared at an empty street because they were worried about her. Having no memory of ever having anyone care about her that much, though intellectually she knew she probably had, she was quite overwhelmed by the depth of that affection.

She’d never been horny before. She’d never wanted before. Like a child whose emotional controls weren’t developed, she found she was feeling everything with profound intensity and wasn’t sure what to do about that.

It was probably a bad idea to go down to the car though. She’d landed on that somewhere around midnight when she’d thrown the sheets back and made it all the way to the door. She stopped with her hand on the doorknob. This was some properly teenage behaviour she thought to herself. Then, with a blush growing on her cheeks she realised that Gestalt could see her through the camera. She bit her lip and hid her face when she turned and ducked back into the apartment.

Robert: Are you alright?

Myfanwy: Don’t know how to answer that. There’s no one else here if that’s what you mean.

There was a long pause and Myf climbed back into bed with a sigh. She lurched for the phone when it buzzed again.

Robert: I’m still out here. I won’t let anything happen to you.

Myfanwy: I know. Where do you think I was going?

The message that came back was a photo. A selfie of Robert’s face wearing an expression of exasperation, affection, and a delicate pout that did nothing to cool the hunger in his eyes.

Myfanwy: Where is the rest of you?

Robert: Asleep, like you should be. Goodnight Myfanwy.

Myfanwy: Goodnight Gestalt.

In the morning she made two coffees but being unsure how Gestalt took theirs she stuffed sugar packets into her pocket and a small bottle of milk into her bag. Happy with her work she picked up the two full traveller cups and made her way downstairs. On her way through the parking garage, she noticed two men who seemed to be following her and swore to herself. She abandoned the coffees and speed-dialled 3.

“Myfanwy?” Teddy’s voice sounded in her ear.

“There are two men following me out of my apartment. I’m in the parking garage.”

“Don’t go back inside.” He ordered. “Come out into the street where I can see you.” Myfanwy did as she was told. “Walk. Don’t run, if you run they’ll move in. If they can get away without drawing attention to themselves they’d rather do that. Don’t look back.”

“Where should I go? To the SUV?” She asked, her voice shaking.

“No.” Teddy took a deep, steadying breath and then said something terrifying. “I need you to hang up now and call Linda.”

“What?” Myf hissed.

“I can see you. I’m right here, but if you call me and not her she’s going to know something’s up. Call Linda, Myfanwy. She’ll send me to get you and everything will go exactly the same.”

Myf made a discomforted sound and no move to hang up.

“Myfanwy.” Teddy’s voice was unusually gentle, soft, and coaxing. “I’m right here. I’m closer to you than they are. I will not let anything happen to you, I swear. I need you to hang up the phone and call Linda, do it now. It’s going to be OK.”

“Jesus Christ, you better kiss me after this,” she muttered to herself.

“Deal. Remember, don’t run.”

Myfanwy did as she was told, and Linda gave her the same basic instructions. Somehow ‘don’t run’ didn’t sound as comforting when the person saying it was on the other side of the city. But Gestalt was here somewhere. She couldn’t see them, didn’t even know which body was here with her, but if Teddy said they were here, they were here.  
At Linda’s urging, Myfanwy made her way down towards the train platform and Alex materialised in front of her in a violent red tracksuit. “Get on the train.” He ordered as he moved smoothly past her and punched her closest pursuer in the throat. Myfanwy flinched but kept going. On the platform the train pulled up and she got on. It took her a moment to realise she still wasn’t safe. Someone she didn’t recognise with a scowling, angry face pushed through the crowd towards her. She turned and tried to shove her way in the opposite direction.

Then Eliza was there. She took Myfanwy’s hand and pulled her forward while Teddy moved smoothly past them. The first king-hit would have been enough to drop a horse and Teddy didn’t stop. The doors between carriages closed, but Myfanwy could still see him through the window raining down blows. The vulture must surely have been jam by the time he was done.

Eliza cupped her face and drew her attention back. “Are you hurt?”

Myfanwy shook her head. “Just terrified.”

Eliza gave her a warm, encouraging smile and kissed her forehead gently. “You’re doing great. Give me your jacket and take this.”

They swapped jackets and Myfanwy was directed to sit in a corner seat and read the newspaper while Eliza and Teddy hopped off the train. As the train pulled away Myfanwy began to panic again. She was alone! There’s no way Alex could have gotten back on the train. A moment later though, Robert dropped into the seat beside her and slung an arm around her shoulders. He urged her to lean over and put her head on his shoulder.

“You did great,” he said quietly. His arm tightened around her to try to still her trembling. “I’ve seen trained field agents panic their first time out.”  
“I’ve got this whole ‘guardian angel’ situation happening.” She managed today without stuttering. “It’s an advantage.”

Robert chuckled. “we’ll get off in two stops and make our way back to the office.”

He didn’t leave her side for a moment and most of the time he seemed to be intent on them playing the happy couple card. Myfanwy wondered how much of that was for cover purposes and how much of it was because he just wanted to hold her hand. Inside the office, he let his arm drop from her shoulders and they walked a respectable distance apart until he nudged her sideways into a stairwell.

“No cameras,” he said and wrapped his arms tight around her when Myf launched herself against him and clung to his neck. “I can’t keep them off for long, someone will notice, but,” he urged her back just enough so that he could kiss her warmly. Myf didn’t skip a beat but moaned softly against his lips. The air became electrified, Robert could feel it moving along his skin, could feel in tingle along all four spines. Alex gripped the table in the security room and sat down hard.

Eliza’s heart rate picked up and the machine that monitored it beeped in alarm.

Teddy blinked in confusion and changed lanes without indicating, his SUV forced a smaller car to slam on the brakes and then he sideswiped another two parked cars.  
Myfanwy smiled and started to lean in to kiss him again, but he flinched and she stopped cold. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, no, it’s nothing. I got shot. Eliza’s in the infirmary, and...”

He watched with an abstracted expression as Myfanwy’s face went pale and she gasped and pulled out of his arms. She took the stairs two at a time and disappeared from his sight. In the control room, Alex turned the cameras back on. Of course, Eliza was fine, he’d have said if she wasn’t, and Myf… oldMyf, would have known that. But newMyf needed to see, needed to touch, heard the word ‘shot’ and imagined the worst. Gestalt recognised that it might not have been the most noble emotion, but they liked that she ran to check on them. Her gasp of fear for their well being filled them with warmth. She cared. Really cared. She wasn’t just an ally, they weren’t just someone she felt she could trust… she cared about them.

Teddy coughed uncomfortably before he restarted the engine and drove the rest of the way back to the vehicle depot with a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel.  
Myfanwy looked at Eliza with a sad and awed expression.

“I told you it was nothing,” Eliza said, “Just a sedative.”

“You got shot for me,” Myfanwy countered.

Eliza smiled. “It’s my job,” she patted the bed and Myf moved to sit down. “Even if it weren’t…”

Their eyes met ad Myfanwy bit her lip. “I’m not sure what to do with all this.”

“All this,” Eliza said, “or all this,” she gestured to her own body.

Myfanwy laughed helplessly. “Everything I guess.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, you know that, right?” Eliza put her and over Myfanwy’s.

“How do I work out what I want when I don’t know who I am?” She ran a hand through her hair. “I’ve made it with three bodies in the last 24 hours… but they were all you. And I know that’s weird, but at the same time from my perspective I’ve never kissed anyone who wasn’t you.”

Eliza smiled. “Is it bad that I like the sound of that?”

They laughed and Eliza held out her arms. Myf moved into them and pressed her face into Eliza’s neck.

“Still alright?” Eliza asked gently.

“Mmm,” Myf hummed. “You’re the one who got shot though, shouldn’t I be comforting you?”

“It’s been a rough week,” Eliza said and stroked Myf’s hair. “We can take turns.” She took hold of Myf’s upper arms and gently pulled her away. “We can get away with a little more at work in this body, but with Linda still watching, we should really cut this short.” She smiled sadly. “You need to try to imagine what you’d do if you hadn’t told me. Where would you go? What would your next move be? And do that. Linda may not know you as well as I do, but she’ll be watching for anything strange at this point.”  
“You like Linda, don’t you?” Myf asked.

Eliza nodded. “I do, she’s very maternal with the EVA’s, but that doesn’t mean I trust her completely. She’s still, at heart, a spy, we all are, and while I’m willing to burn all that to keep you safe, I can't guarantee that she would.”

Myf bit her lip and stared at Eliza with heat in her eyes.

“You better go,” Eliza whispered. “I told you, I’m not a saint.”


	5. Not what Teddy is for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was really busy for a while and everything fell off the back, but then I logged in and there were some nice comments and I got the guilts LoL, so I thought I better finish. This isn’t finished but I’m back on it.
> 
> Also, in my estimation, this is exactly what Teddy is for. Just sayin’.

_ What would she do? _ Myfanwy thought to herself. _ What would she do now? What would a normal person do? _

That line of thought wasn't helpful. She found herself wandering ever downwards and before she'd made any kind of active decision she was most of the way into the dungeons below the offices. The air was colder and her low heels clicked loudly on the floor as she walked. It was terrifyingly easy to get to the man Gestalt had brought in. He was bound to the wall with heavy ropes and a collar around his neck like an animal. Everything about him was belligerent and angry. He didn't seem particularly frightened, and his lack of fear unnerved Myfanwy more than she wanted to let him see. So much so that she only managed to process half the nonsensical things he was saying. "You're no use to anyone." "Your superiors were fine to hand you over." "You may have forgotten but they remember." "Ask them..."

Her bravado was spent and she ran. The guards looked at her with a mix of surprise and sympathy, poor little Myfanwy, so skittish, so delicate. She could see it in their eyes and felt the bile rise in the back of her throat at how angry it made her.

She took the stairs at a trot and nearly ran straight into Teddy. He stopped a few stairs above her and as she looked up at him she felt a dizzying mix of relief and shame. "I know I shouldn't-" she started.

"Why not?" Teddy cut her off. "He came after you, you've got every right." He took a step closer. "Did he give you anything?"

She ducked her head and moved closer to him. "He knows. He knows I can't remember!" She hissed. "And he said things, some of them I'm sure he said just to hurt me but some of them..." She looked up and met his eyes. "What's Glengrove? And what happened in Bristol?" 

Teddy's face darkened and he looked away. When he met her eyes again his mask of calm wouldn't sit right. His eyes darted about her face and over her shoulder into a past she didn't know anything about. After an uncomfortably long pause he sighed. "It's too complicated an answer to go into in a stairwell." His hand came down gently on hers where it rested on the banister. 

They stared at each other until movement at the foot of the stairwell broke their concentration.

“Go home.” Teddy directed. “I’ll be close by.”

“Meet you there?” She asked.

Teddy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Best not. I ah,” he looked around uncomfortably. “Have some things I need to get straight first. For myself.”

“Oh.” She looked down and pulled her hand away.

His moved lightning quick and grabbed her wrist. “I won’t be far. I promise.” Then he was gone.

How the hell did he move so fast in that suit?

On the way to the front doors Myfanwy saw Linda on the other side of the office. The older woman met her eyes but made no move to speak to her, nor gave any indication that she intended to do so. Myfanwy sighed and picked up the pace. She didn’t want Linda to catch up to her anyway. 

Back in her flat she kicked her shoes off the moment she was inside the door and leaned against the wall. Her phone beeped.

Eliza:  _ Set the lock _

Myfanwy:  _ Make me _

Eliza:  _ Get some rest, I’ll be watching. _

Myfanwy ran her fingers through her hair and then looked at the camera. She gave it a small smile and a nod. Sleep seemed like a mad idea, something that was obviously meant for other people because she had no memory of ever being able to sleep through the night. She tossed and turned in bed. Reached for her phone, then put it down again. When she went back to it she opened the selfie Robert had sent her with his amused pout. She remembered the way his lips felt. The way his arms tightened around her. She thought about the difference between that experience and kissing Teddy in her kitchen before they knew she didn’t remember them. The scent of Eliza’s neck. Alex’s hair between her fingers and the sound he made when she kissed him in the hallway.

Her alarm woke her at 6AM, and she threw it clear across the apartment in irritation. She would have sworn she fell asleep three minutes ago.

Dressed and ready she stopped in the entryway and looked at the camera. Slowly she held up her phone and just as she was about to swipe the screen it dinged.

Alex:  _ It’s very difficult to concentrate on the job when you’re smiling at me like that. _

Myfanwy:  _ Eventually you are going to be able to actually give me a lift to and from work instead of tailing me everywhere, right? _

Alex:  _ You’ll be well sick of me before then, I’m sure. _

Myfanwy:  _ Shut up, I know you’re just fishing for a sexy selfie. _

Alex:  _ I’ll see you at work. _

Alex:  _ Nympho. _

The trip to the office as a bizarre mix of twitch inducing irritation and irrational amusement. Somewhere in the crowd, possibly on the CTV cameras to, Gestalt was watching. They saw when she smiled, when she frowned, when she bit her lip, and when she turned to watch a tall attractive man walk by.

Robert:  _ Stop that. I know you prefer blondes. _

Myfanwy:  _ Doesn’t mean you can get cocky. _

Robert: _ If I ever doubted you weren’t the old you, this conversation proves it _

Myfanwy stared down at her phone unsure how to feel about that. She pushed through the doors into the main building and headed towards her office. The lifts weren’t an option. Since she’d been followed yesterday, and realising that she had no way of recognising friend from foe, the idea of being in a full lift gave her the horrors. Instead, she took the stairs. She had generally pleasant associations with stairs.

Myfanwy went back to thinking about what she’d do. What did she need? Information. Obviously. Linda would know she’d gone to see the prisoner, there was no way to hide it, and she probably wouldn’t be able to get away with doing it again. Where else could she go? She trotted further up the stairs and stopped cold when she saw the sign indicating the offices on this level. ‘ _ Archives _ ’. She glanced around. No one was watching, but then her eyes fell on a camera above one of the office doors. She stared at it for a moment, wondering which body Gestalt had watching her and what they’d think of her next move.

She took a deep breath and pushed the door open. 

The Archivist was a nice enough lady. She seemed pleased that Myfanwy hadn’t brought in any beverages, but warned firmly that none would be allowed. She also helped Myfanwy pull every file that even tangentially mentioned her own name. The explanation she gave was that she was looking for some connection in her file between herself and the Vulture, or some reason the Lugat might be interested in her specifically.

It might have been an hour or two, long enough certainly for her to become engrossed in her own history. Glen grove. Her EVA and what it might be able to do. Her eye fell on a file with the name ‘Andrew Bristol’ on it and she stared at it. Bristol. The Bristol incident. With a trembling hand she reached to flip it open but gasped and jumped when Alex’s voice interrupted her.

“What’cho doin’?” He asked Ashe came around the corner.

She made a face and dropped the file back onto the pile. “Research.”

“On me?” He raised an eyebrow.

“On me, actually.” Myf gestured to the mound of paper. “You said I should do whatever I’d do if I didn’t have you. This is it.” She looked him in the eye. “I need to work out who I am and what happened to me, this is the only other place I can go since Linda isn’t being forthcoming.” She huffed and leaned against the wall. “What are you doing down here?”

“Looking for you.” Teddy’s voice made her turn. “I’ve got something of a problem… depending on how we play it.” He popped his knuckles and didn’t seem to want to hold eye contact for very long. “I have to fill out a report to the vehicle depot about the car I wrecked yesterday.”

“You-“ She started.

“I can either lie, or I can tell the truth.” He met her eyes and held them. “I was kissing you.”

Myf took a shaken breath.

“I thought we better talk about it first.”

Myf looked back and forth between Teddy and Alex. She settled on Alex’s face because he looked less like he was irritated and more like he was amused. “What do you want to do?”

“Nothing like that ever happened before.” Alex confessed. “You… mess with my head.”

“Destroy my ability to compartmentalise.” Teddy finished behind her, which made her spin to face him. “And if I can’t Compartmentalise, I can’t do my job. That’s a big risk.” His eyes slipped down to her lips and back again. “And then there’s Linda.”

“Right,” Myf bit her lip. “Maybe, maybe you need to lie then? We need to protect your position here and-“

“I don’t care about my position.” Teddy grabbed her hand.

Myfanwy looked down at their hands and then back up at Teddy’s face. She shifted so she could grip his fingers and lurched forward to kiss him. Teddy made no sound and for a moment he didn’t move. Myf would have worried she’d made a terrible mistake if it hadn’t been for the sound Alex made behind her. 

“Myfanwy,” Alex gasped while Teddy’s mouth opened and accepted her tongue without hesitation.

She slid her fingers into Teddy’s hair and let go of his hand so she could grab a fistful of his expensive suit jacket. He growled and turned her so that he could back her up against the card catalog and pin her there with his body. Alex leaned against the wall. His mouth slack and his eyes unfocused. The weight against her small frame made breathing a struggle, but she clutched at teddy’s shoulders desperately.

One of Teddy’s hands cupped the back of her head. The other slid down her side. It paused at her waist and then moved lower to her thigh. She followed his lead and helped him hook her leg up over his hip. 

“Fuck, Myfanwy,” Alex groaned while Teddy kissed and nipped his way down her neck.

“Are you O.K?” She held Teddy against her, her fingers ruining his hair. “Is this O.K?”

“No cars,” Alex swallowed hard. “Eliza spat coffee on some paperwork,” he groaned again when Myf responded by rolling her hips forward. “Jesus Christ.”

Teddy’s hand gripped her thigh and encouraged the rocking to continue. Myfanwy moaned and readily complied. Alex looked like he might pass out. When Myfanwy whimpered, Teddy pulled back and looked at her, while Alex’s eyes popped open.

“Don’t stop!” She gasped and tried to pull him back against her.

Teddy growled again and pressed his forehead against hers. “We should stop.”

“That is not what I said!”

Alex laughed breathlessly. “We’re at work.”

“And this isn’t how I wanted this to happen,” Teddy smoothed her hair back from her face with one lightly trembling hand. “I wanted,” he stopped and frowned.

“What?” Myf pressed. “Candles and dinner? You can owe me.” She leaned in to kiss him again but he gently held her off.

“This isn’t,” he coughed uncomfortably. “This isn’t your favourite body.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“It’s O.K,” Alex assured her, “I’ve always understood how it works.”

“This is what Robert is for.” Gestalt said together.

“What he’s…” Myf rolled her eyes and cupped Teddy’s face in her hands. “That is stupid. Come back here. Now.”


	6. You make me dizzy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inevitably, it goes pearshaped...

Alex squeezed his eyes shut, and Teddy bit his lip.

“It’s jus’,” he brought his thumb up to his lips and Myfanwy gently pulled it away. “Last time I, last time we,” he shook his head. “You ran.” 

She gripped Alex’s wrist tighter and flexed her leg around Teddy’s hip. “‘Last time’ was the day before yesterday. In my kitchen. And I did not run, I didn’t want to run. I felt no urge to run whatsoever.”

“It was my fault,” Gestalt whispered together, “I came on too strong.”

Myfanwy heard the two voices, tentative and unsure, and her eyes slid shut. She felt silk on her skin. Her stomach tied itself in knots with nerves and excitement. A moment later her eyes popped open and she stared at Teddy, who frowned back in concern.

“_You look fucking amazing tonight_.” She heard in her head as though Eliza was there, just by her right shoulder.

She stared in wonder up at Teddy’s face and would have kissed him again, only without cause his brow furrowed and his expression darkened. Myfanwy’s mouth opened to ask what was wrong but Alex’s voice stopped her.

“Why’re you lookin’ at Bristol’s file?”

“I was looking at all the files,” she turned to look at Alex. “Anything with my name in it.” She looked back at Teddy.

Her leg was still hooked over his hip, his huge hand still gripped her thigh. He stared at her intently.

“Gestalt… what was the ‘Bristol incident’?” His eyes darted away. “Gestalt? What was-”

“He’s a pig.” Teddy snapped. “A creepy, slimy fuckin’ pig.” He let go of her thigh and took a half step back to get some distance between them, but Myfanwy didn’t let go of his jacket.  
“Hey,” she tried to pull him back.

“You picked him.” Alex whispered. He wouldn’t look at her either. “He was our shrink. In Glengrove he was,” he nibbled on his thumb. “He had an affair with his patient. With you. We were kids… just kids.”

“I hated him. Hated he touched you. Hated you went back to ‘im. Back and back and every time you’d tell me like it was some wonderful secret.” Teddy shook with barely suppressed rage. “An’ I didn’t say anythin’. You begged me not to an’ I couldn’t say no to you, but I hated him.”

Myfanwy bit her lip. Her fists still bunched in Teddy’s jacket.

“I should’a said something.” Alex gnawed harder on his thumbnail. “Should’a done something. Story of our fucking friendship…”

“I don’ know what he did,” Gestalt said together. “What finally pushed you over but your EVA was always unpredictable. There was a fire and no more Glengrove.”

“You started taking the pills after that,” Alex said.

“And the business with the blue box that you never thought I knew about.” Teddy continued.

Myfanwy could only look back and forth between them. “Did I hurt anyone?”

“Yes,” Gestalt said quietly.

“How many?” She demanded.

Teddy shook his head. “No.”

“No is not a number.”

“You don’t need a number! Jesus Fucking Christ Myfanwy, the last thing you need is a number. The last three days you’ve been lighter.” Teddy grabbed her hands and held them against his chest. “You’ve laughed and made jokes you’ve been better.”

“What Bristol did made you different.” Alex turned and let his head thunk back against the wall. “Maybe there was more. I dunno, but you haven’ really trusted a single living soul since you were seventeen. Not even me.” He sighed. “You only slept with me because you knew you wouldn’t remember.”

“I’m sure that’s not-”

“I’m sure it is.” Teddy stopped her. “You’re a smart girl, you’ve always known how it was with me. But you never come near me like that. Not in ten years. Not till you knew it wouldn’t matter cuz you wouldn’t remember.”

“Gestalt,”

“No,” they said. “This is insane, an’ I’m doing it again. You make me,” Teddy looked down at her helplessly. “You make me dizzy and stupid and selfish. Jesus,” he stepped away. “I didn’t protect you. I never protected you like I should have. I did what was easy instead. Kept your secrets, towed the party line. Fuck. No wonder you didn’t come to me with this, no wonder you decided to do it on your own, I’ve been completely fucking useless to you.”

She made a grab for him but Teddy had pulled away. Alex slinked back towards the exit.

“Gestalt, please!”

“For once, one fucking time, I have’ta do the right thing by you. An’ it isn’t this.” Teddy gestured around the Archive room. “I’ll back you up with Linda, at least until we work out what happened to you. Why the Lugat wants you.”

Myfanwy didn’t really remember them leaving. Somehow she blinked and Teddy and Alex were gone. She played through it over and over again in her head and only managed to half understand what had gone so spectacularly wrong.


End file.
